Chapter 11

“youre t boy ive ever kissed,“ so me.

it anding at teamer pier in pine knoll so get to cross t spans tracoastal atertle he island.

no expensive beac property in tire state, but back t led against time national forest.

“i figured i mig; i said.

“; sly. “did i do it ; s look like soo upset if id said yes, but it ruth.

“youre a great kisser,“ i said, giving her hand a squeeze.

sued toting t far-off look again. s a lot lately. i let it go on for a to me.

“are you okay, jamie?“ i finally asked.

instead of answering, s.

“; she asked me.

i ran my ;you mean before now?”

i said it like james dean o say it if a girl ever asked me t question. eric ty slick h girls.

“im serious, landon,“ sossing me a sidelong glance.

i guess jamie oo. ito realize, i alo be going from o loo ime t takes to s a mosquito. i quite sure if i liked t part of our relations, to be , it kept me on my toes. i ill feeling off balance as i t about ion.

“actually, i ; i said finally.

ill fixed on t i alking about angela, but looking back, id realized t for angela otally different from now.

“ ; she asked me.

i cly moving it ime to pretend i i actually .

“ell,“ i said seriously, “you knos love o do is spend time of kno the same way.”

jamie t about my ansly.

“i see,“ sly. i ed for o add somet s, and i came to anotion.

jamie may not experienced to tell you truth, she was playing me like a harp.

during t tance, she wore her hair in a bun again.

on neook jamie out to dinner. it real date s to a small erfront restaurant in morey, a place called flauvins. flauvins aurant ableclot pieces of silverting. ters lers, and completely lined tc reflecting off ter.

t and a singer, too, not every nig on to make reservations, and t time i called t i t didnt to make my grandfatill alive and all.

it ually my moms idea to take jamie out someplace special. a couple of days before, on one of talked to my mom about through.

“s, mom,“ i confessed. “i mean, i kno know if s i do.”

“does s muco you?“ she asked.

“yes,“ i said quietly.

“ell, w ried so far?”

“ do you mean?”

my mom smiled. “i mean t young girls, even jamie, like to be made to feel special.”

i t about t for a moment, a little confused. asnt t rying to do?

“ell, ive been going to o visit,“ i said.

my mom put a great imes stuck it to me, like i said earlier, s lady.

“going to o do, but its not t romantic t her.”

my mom suggested buying some perfume, and t jamie , it didnt sound rigo me. for one t didnt alloion being tmas play-i old my mom as muc aking to dinner.

“i dont ,“ i said to edly. t too quickly. “it builds responsibility,“ my fat once.

“ o your money in the bank?”

i sig in silence isfaction crossed oo, knew i was finally growing up.

“let me t,“ sly. “you just find out if so go and if reverend sullivan . if so make it happen. i promise.”

t to t because i figured sed to be t o do t exactly been ed. it- tains, t i seen ake a long time for o anso come from tchen.

me for a long moment, then sigh deeply and shake his head before finally saying hello.

ially open, and i saing beacles propped on financial-and i figured rying to figure out t for ters o pay.

i knocked at terest, as if ed anotion, t it was me.

“; i said politely. “do you ?”

ired t feeling well.

“; he said wearily.

id dressed s and tie. “may i come in?”

ly, and i entered tioned for me to sit in the chair across from his desk.

“ can i do for you?“ he asked.

i adjusted myself nervously in t;ell, sir, i ed to ask you something.”

ared at me, studying me before ;does it o do ; he asked.

i took a deep breath.

“yes, sir. i ed to ask if it would be all rigook o dinner on new years eve.”

;is t all?“ he said.

“yes, sir,“ i said. “ill bring ime youd need me to.”

ook off acles and ting tell aking a moment to t it.

“ill your parents be joining you?“ he asked.

“no, sir.”

“t t t.“ t clear it ime for me to leave. i stood from my carted to to go, i faced him again.

“reverend sullivan?”

ill t;im sorry for to do alreat jamie treated. but from no.”

o look rig enough.

“i love ; i said finally, and ention focused on me again.

“i kno; ;but i dont to see .“ even t , i t i saer.

“i do t to ; i said.

ued from me and looked out tcer sun tried to force its ter.

“en,“ he wrong decision.

i smiled and ed to t. i could tell t ed to be alone. to see his face in his hands.

i asked jamie an er. t t s t i told id already spoken to on er t. t tell it looked almost as t t only didnt i understand it completely, i didnt o niger talking to my mom again, sion, and to be , it made perfect sense to me. must o tion t er o me. in a rue.

i picked on sc asked o ly erfront to taurant. to tess stand, to our table. it ter ones in the place.

it ime eenagers in t too out of place, though.

jamie o flauvins before, and it took a fees to take it all in. s a my mom suggestion.

“t; so me. “thank you for asking me.”

“my pleasure,“ i said sincerely.

“have you been here before?”

“a feimes. my moto come imes won.”

s tared at a boat t aurant, its lig s in ;its beautiful ; she said.

“so are you,“ i answered.

jamie blus;you dont mean t.”

“yes,“ i said quietly, “i do.”

e ed for dinner, and jamie and i talked about some of t fealked about tted t place. s about it-s of laug off c s out on her own.

“ould you to take me again?“ seased.

“absolutely.”

dinner er finally removed our plates, tarted up. e before i o take her home, and i offered her my hand.

at first c eac reminded too. i could see tfully at us. ts and kno time t it .

i could be.

after ne t young couples did back time to time sired and listless. e spent time doossing stones in ter, calked, or to t macon.

even t er, t boter an o take imes, it seemed, s nod off before imes sream of cter all t i could barely get a word in edgewise.

of course, spending time doing t go to udy class-i didnt to look like an idiot in front of t t more at o leave early, because s fever. even to my untrained eyes, it her face was flushed.

e kissed again, too, t every time oget even trying to make it to second base. t any need to. tle and rig jamie ood ire life, not only by me, but by everyone.

jamie simply ters daug to een-year-old girl s t i least, ts il sold me.

ill never forget t day because of s sometant was on her mind.

i ed up again, a day blustery ing er o stand close to eaco stay ed to go id asked ime, i remember t t us. te no one else cecils diner. as al communities, t on terfront in ter.

s as so tell me somet expect o start tion as she did.

“people trange, dont t; she silence.

“; i asked, even the answer.

“people at school.”

“no, t,“ i lied.

i kissed tle tigo me. sell t id her somehow.

“are you okay?“ i asked, conceed.

“im fine,“ s on track.

“ill you do me a favor, though?”

“anyt; i said.

“ill you promise to tell me truth from now on? i mean always?”

“sure,“ i said.

sopped me suddenly and looked rig me. “are you lying to me right now?”

“no,“ i said defensively, from noell you truth.”

some, i kne id come to regret it.

e started reet, i glanced at belo it mig t i even touchere.

“people trange, dont t; she asked again.

my breat in little puffs.

“yes,“ i finally ans me to say it.

“; s despondent.

i t about it. “people reasons,“ i said vaguely, doing my best not to go any further.

“but because of my fat because i try to be nice to people?”

i didnt anyto do his.

“i suppose,“ a little queasy.

jamie seemed disened, and tle farther in silence.

“do you trange, too?“ she asked me.

t made me ac it at opped o me. i kissed , s the ground.

i put my finger beneating me again. “youre a iful, youre kind, youre gentle . . . youre everyt id like to be. if people dont like you, or trange, ts their problem.”

in ter day, i could see o tremble. mine my i couldnt keep the words inside any longer.

“i love you, jamie,“ i said to ;youre t t ever o me.”

it time id ever said to anote family. to someone else, id some it . id never been more sure of anything.

as soon as i said tarted to cry, leaning o mine. i ime t my arms all t o my c for ime. i sure o t t regret trutrut promised i would never lie again.

“please dont say t,“ so me. “please . . .”

“but i do,“ i said, t believe me.

so cry even ;im sorry,“ so me t;im so, so sorry. . . .”

my t suddenly dry.

“; i asked, suddenly desperate to understand ;is it because of my friends and care anymore-i really dont.“ i was reaching, confused and, yes-scared.

it took anot for o stop crying, and in time s me. sly, almost like ty street, then ran her finger over my cheek.

“you cant be in love ; shrough red and swollen eyes.

“e can be friends, love me.”

“?“ i sed understanding any of this.

“because,“ sly, “im very sick, landon.”

t ely foreign t i couldnt compre srying to say.

“so ake a few days . . .”

a sad smile crossed t srying to tell me. mine as s numbed my soul.

“im dying, landon.”